Thanksgiving doesn’t always need to be an extravaganza. It’s a "day to feed and nurture one another," says Dr. Frank Pittman — the same thing we should be doing all year round.
For Americans, “Rockwellian” images have long been the models for Thanksgiving. But not every family's Thanksgiving dinner looks like a Norman Rockwell painting. Whether it does or doesn’t, the key may be in the mental preparation.
Big expectations can cause family tension, particularly when some family members don’t gather regularly.
In a year with monumental changes and worries for many American families, celebrating may be difficult for some, and others may feel less than thankful.
Yet others say that now, more than ever, their Thanksgiving will be filled with deeper meaning — and simple joys. Real concerns, like a sifter, have shaken out the trivialities, to reveal what is really important in their lives.
But there are things to keep in mind that make holidays less stressful, and that help families remember to appreciate what matters most to them.

Manage your expectations
Expectations are high at the holidays, partly because of people’s busy lives. With many things put on hold throughout the year, there are preconceived notions of how the dinner should be, how people should behave and how we should feel. People often try to pile all their thankfulness for a whole year into one day.
It’s been speculated that somewhere along the way people got the idea that if the perfect turkey stuffing was made, and the right amount of colored lights were used, everything would be wonderful.
But Thanksgiving gets much easier when expectations are lowered. Making fewer assumptions makes for less disappointment; and what is appreciated about others is more clearly visible.
The following are suggested guidelines for managing expectations:
• Forget perfection: It’s overrated — in celebrations and in people. There is no textbook Thanksgiving.
• Be flexible with rituals: They provide structure and meaning to lives, but a rigid adherence to them may even unintentionally alienate guests. Be open to new traditions. Lighten up.
• Don’t try to change anyone: The only thing one can control is his or her own behavior.
• Treat people well all year: Don’t expect one dinner to compensate for a year's worth of neglect. This can take the emotional weight off Thanksgiving by showing thankfulness the other 364 days of the year.

Let other people help
Share the labor. Make it a potluck.
The responsibility of providing a Thanksgiving meal shouldn’t fall to one person. Guests should help hosts. And hosts should accept that help.
Consider these stress-busting Turkey Day alternatives:
• Go out: Guess what? No stress, no dishes, and no crying because no one appreciated the slaving away in the kitchen.
• Make it a potluck: Provide the turkey, let the guests provide the sides. Share the love and the labor.
• Take a year off and relax. Let other people have a turn playing host.
• Volunteer: Spend Thanksgiving Day helping others. People come together in unexpected ways when they’re working towards a common, altruistic goal.

Be aware of family dynamics.
Family dynamics can become strained at holiday gatherings for a variety of reasons. Adult children may slip into old roles while parents feel taken for granted. Keep in mind the following:
• Parents, siblings and assorted relatives are complicated adults. They all have their own lives, concerns and needs. Everyone wants to be loved, and everyone fears going unnoticed.
• Be Sensitive: Families change through divorce, marriage, death, illness, birth and all the other unpredictable events that keep life interesting. Be sensitive to how these changes affect family members especially during the holidays.
• Go easy on mom: Psychologist William Doherty explains that there is traditionally one person who is typically assigned to “take on the emotional and physical responsibility for the holiday” and “actualize the cultural belief that the family is one big harmonious group.” That person is usually mom. But no matter who it is in the family, that role shouldn’t be taken for granted.

Respect differences
Family members don’t always share the same politics or world views. Keep the following in mind when around the dinner table:
• Be empathetic: Take the time to understand where people are coming from.
• Be attentive: People like to talk about themselves. Ask questions, and listen to the answers. New information may be discovered.
• Don’t discipline other people’s children: Most parents have very particular ideas about child-rearing.
• Don’t criticize: Asking adult children if they’re dating, when they’re going to have children or making comments about a person’s weight may be hurtful and ruin the mood for a family member.
• Differentiate between public and private: Don’t drop big announcements amongst friends and family, wait for a quieter moment. Forced responses in front of others may be resented, and may be risky.
• Accommodate special diets: Arrange for some alternative dishes for vegetarians or those with special dietary needs.

Dealing with difficult people
A few conflict management tricks can help family members make it to dessert.
• Choose personal behavior: Personal responses are all that can be controlled. Favor logic rather than emotion when dealing with a difficult person.
• Acknowledge comments: Be honest and genuine when someone says something inappropriate or hurtful.
• Use humor: Humor can diffuse even the most volatile situations but don’t make a joke at someone else’s expense.
• Create a refuge: If someone is feeling overwhelmed, they can choose to be excused and take refuge in another room.
• Don’t drink too much: It can make dealing with difficult people even more difficult. Stay cool.

Reconsider choices
Overwhelmed? If family communication has broken down or expectations are just too high, opt out.
Or consider these other options:
• Limit your stay: Leave early.
• Give kids a break: Be sure your kids have a quiet place to play or watch TV. Kids will act out without an alternative.
• Order a pizza: Really take the pressure off the holiday by forgoing the fancy meal. Order a pizza, pop in a holiday flick and enjoy the company of immediate family.

Using empathy and a renewed appreciation for loved ones at Thanksgiving could make it better. And ironically, cutting out some dishes, fussing less with decorations, and letting go of some of the “usuals” — just might make the holiday as a whole — more meaningful.

President Abraham Lincoln's Thanksgiving Proclamation of 1863

The following is the proclamation (in part) which set the precedent for America's national day of Thanksgiving. (Prepared by Lincoln’s Secretary of State, William H. Seward)

... I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to his tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and Union.